


Unlucky for Me

by mariquita_gatanegra



Category: Lifeline (Video Game 2015), Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Adrien is stranded on a moon, College AU, Gen, I just want what's best for my kids, I used a lot of dialogue from Lifeline sorry guys, I'm literally playing the game while writing this help, Lifeline au, Marinette and Nino are his lifelines, Nino and Marinette are both in college, There might be some shippy stuff if you squint really hard, kinda i mean, none of them are qualified for this, they're trying their best
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-10
Updated: 2018-05-04
Packaged: 2018-09-23 08:49:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9648665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mariquita_gatanegra/pseuds/mariquita_gatanegra
Summary: After the Varia crashes on the surface of a moon in the far reaches of space, Adrien has to rely on help provided by two French college students, Marinette and Nino. The problem is, none of them really know what they're doing, and it's going to take more than a latte and some googling to help Adrien get home safely.





	1. Day One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adrien tries very hard not to cry, Nino is worried about his friends, and Marinette is the only one who's applying logic.

“Marinette. Marinette. Oh my god Marinette you have to look at this.”

“Look at what?”

“Oh my god please get off your ass and come here!” Nino prompted. Marinette groaned, but hauled herself off Nino’s bed and rest her weight against his shoulder. She stared at his computer screen, confused.

“What am I looking at?” She asked.

“That,” Nino pointed an aggressive finger at the open chat box that Marinette had originally assumed was just that — a chat box. Nevertheless, she took a closer look.

“Wait a minute, isn’t that- wasn’t that the thing you hooked up to your radio?” Her eyebrows furrowed as she read the text.

> _Hello?_  
>  _Is this thing working?_  
>  _Can anyone read me?_

“Nino, is that a person? Did you find a person on the radio waves?” Marinette’s eyes darted from Nino to the chat box. “Who are they?”

“I don’t know, but I intend to find out.” Nino cracked his knuckles and typed, ‘Who is this?’ Into the box.

> _Oh, sorry. I was just so excited to actually get a response!_  
>  _I’m Adrien. I’m a… I was an astronaut on the starship Varia._

“Holy shit,” Marinette said softly. “He’s in space. Nino, please tell me that the signal you’re receiving is coming from space. Please tell me you can trace this and find out where exactly this is coming from.”

“Yeah, just give me a second.” Nino’s fingers moved swiftly over the keyboard, pulling up and creating lines of code in a window next to the chat box. “Why does the Varia sound familiar? I feel like I should know that name. Also, why do you think he’s in space? He could very easily be on Earth.”

Marinette rolled her eyes. “We literally covered the Varia in physics class last year you goof. Remember? Professor Mendeleiev spent maybe a month or so just talking about the Varia, and how exciting it was for France to be participating in interstellar travel. Hell, I’m pretty sure she’s been talking about the Varia ever since information about it was first released.”

“Oh right. Sorry, I kind of forgot that the Varia existed for a moment there. Wait, I thought the Varia was still in space?” Marinette gave Nino the look, and Nino made a little, “ooh,” sound. “Okay, that makes sense. What should I write back?”

Marinette looked over Adrien’s message. “It’s kind of weird how he changes tense about being an astronaut. If he’s still on the Varia, shouldn’t he still be an astronaut?”

Nino nodded and typed a reply.

> _“Was?” What happened?_

They both watched as words filled the screen, detailing Adrien’s crash and his unfortunate circumstances. Marinette’s breath hitched ever so slightly. “Hey Nino, did you trace the signal yet? Because I think this guy’s screwing with us. We’d have heard if the Varia crashed, right? ESA, or NASA, or someone would have known about it. This is a prank, right?”

Nino looked over to the window next to the chat box, and a pained expression overtook his usually happy features. “Sorry, but this transmission is definitely not coming from Earth. It’s not even coming from this Solar System, and since I’m almost certain that that would be impossible because it would take over a decade to even leave the Solar System, I am very much worried. But nope, not a prank. This guy’s the real deal.”

“Shit,” Marinette hissed. “Ask him if he’s okay.”

Nino nodded, and typed in the question, and huffed out a laugh when Adrien replied with a joke about having stubbed his toe but being alright otherwise. “Well, he certainly has his priorities in order. What a nerd.”

“Nino we have known this boy for maybe five minutes and he is trapped on a moon outside of our Solar System. Please be nice to him.”

“Fine.” Nino rolled his eyes and typed out a response. Adrien responded seconds later.

> _Yeah, I’ve been told that jokes are my main method of self-defense. And right now, it’s all I’ve got._  
>  _So let’s hope there’s nothing here with a weapon stronger than a bad pun, otherwise, I’d be in trouble._  
>  _Anyway, I’m in a bit of a pickle right now, what with being confused and scared for my crew’s and my life. Why don’t I tell you what I can see, and you tell me what you think I should do? What with me being the least qualified astronaut in existence._

“Ask him what he means by ‘least qualified,’” Marinette said. Nino nodded and typed the words in.

> _Well, I’m not technically a real astronaut. I mean, I am a real astronaut, but it’s not like that was my life goal or anything. I’m literally a twenty-two year old who asked his mom if he could go with her on her space mission._  
>  _Lucky for me (or unlucky for me, you decide), her bosses said that I could. Something about inspiring a new wave of astronauts, engineers, astrophysicists, and whatnot to come join the ESA._  
>  _The only training I have is my physics degree and the astronaut equivalent of SparkNotes._  
>  _So yeah, least qualified._  
>  _Anyway, my escape pod came down in some kind of desert. I’m not exactly sure where, but the air here is breathable._  
>  _I found that out when my helmet came loose and I didn’t immediately die._  
>  _There’s this weird peak a few kilometers away. I have no idea which way it is because my compass is going nuts, so I’m just gonna call it The Left._  
>  _And then to what I am going to call The Right, is what looks like the smoking remains of what I am going to assume is the Varia._  
>  _I really hope that’s the Varia._  
>  _I mean, there’s literally nothing else it could be, but still…_

“Varia,” Marinette and Nino said in unison.

Going to the Varia would be the logical choice. It was the safer choice, not to mention that if he were to find food and shelter anywhere, it would be with his own ship.

> _Good call. My mom might be there._  
>  _Oh god, I hope she’s okay._  
>  _I’m going to start walking. I’ll let you know when I’m there._

Nino and Marinette stared at the chat box for a long while, and then looked at each other.

“Do… Do you think he’s going to be okay?” Marinette asked.

“I hope so,” Nino replied and sat back in his desk chair. “I think I’m going to do a little bit of research into the Varia. If this guy really is who he says he is… He’s going to need all the help he can get.”

* * *

Adrien kept his helmet on. It didn’t matter if he didn’t need it to breathe, he needed it with him, and it was just too damn big to carry comfortably. So on his head it went.

Adrien focused on the twin columns of smoke in front of him, focusing himself on getting to the Varia, getting to his mom, making sure she was okay-

One of the cracks in the ground caught Adrien’s foot — succeeding in both snapping him out of his worried trance and tripping him at the same time. He stumbled and regained his balance easily, but still scowled at the dirt. “Goddammit,” he muttered and stared at his communicator. No new messages from… Whoever.

Adrien had no clue how someone managed to catch his signal. Someone who wasn’t the ESA, anyway. It would have made more sense for the European Space Agency to pick up his distress calls. Hell, it would have made more sense if NASA had answered his calls. Unfortunately, neither of those things happened, and instead, he managed to get connected to… Someone. He didn’t even know their name, and yet he was trusting them. At least someone picked up.

Adrien stared at the communicator and hesitated. He wanted to say something. He desperately wanted to say something and to break the awful silence that had suffocated him ever since he crashed. So he opened his communicator and spoke. “Damn, this is taking longer than I thought,” he said into his wrist. “My legs are starting to feel like jello.”

Wow. Smooth.

Like jello.

“Goddammit now all I can think about is how much I want jello,” Adrien groaned and closed the communicator. “Stupid moon. Stupid crash. Stupid jello. Ugh.”

He trudged on, doing his best to break the silence himself since obviously he couldn’t be trusted to talk to his… person? He needed to give them some sort of title to make it easier to refer to them in his head. Whoever they were and whatever they were doing for him, he could not be trusted to talk to them without making some weird joke or pun. So instead he started singing to himself.

“Well you can tell by the way I use my walk, I’m a woman’s man, no time to talk,” he sang softly. “Something something something something, staying alive, staying alive.”

He didn’t know the song very well. Whatever, it wasn’t like some disco enthusiast would come yell at him for not knowing all the words to Staying Alive. Unless the moon was for some reason inhabited by a bunch of disco-loving aliens. Now there was a scary thought.

Adrien shuddered away visions of little green men with afros and brightly-colored paisley shirts with the first few buttons undone and continued his trek. He could start to smell the smoke, and after a few more minutes of walking, he could finally see the Varia. Adrien sighed in relief and opened his communicator.

“All right, I’m finally at the Varia. Or, what used to be the Varia. Saying that it’s not in good shape would be the understatement of the century. Probably the millennia. The ship is broken up into two big pieces with lots of little bits of debris scattered around everywhere. Now I say little bits of debris, but you have to know that some of these pieces are the size of a minivan.” Adrien walked closer to the wreckage.

“It looks… Deserted. That seems to be the appropriate word here. So is scary, terrifying, agonizing, and heart-breaking. I guess from here I could do one of two things: look for my mom and the crew, which would be in one part of the wreckage, or check the flight deck. Which would be in the other part of the wreckage.

He waited, watching his communicator for the text to show up. It took a moment that Adrien assumed was being used to deliberate between the crew and flight deck, until an answer appeared.

> _Look for your mom._

Adrien worried at his lower lip as he surveyed the back half of the Varia. It looked deserted. But that didn’t necessarily mean that it was deserted. “Okay,” he said. “Give me a minute.” He closed the communicator and headed down to the smoldering wreckage. He picked his way through the shrapnel and entered the back end of the Varia. He didn’t have to go very far to find the crew.

Adrien stumbled out of the wreckage and emptied his stomach. “Oh god,” he shuttered, thinking about the image that was seared into his brain. He opened his communicator and spoke.

“Paris, we’ve got… some good news and bad news. Also some other good news? I think? Which do you want first?”

> _Good news._

“Okay, um. The good news is that I found the crew. Sort of. Which is the bad news, because… Well, there were some crew members pretty close to where the Varia broke, and now they’re just… They’re…”

> _Take your time. Breathe._

Adrien barked out a heavy laugh. He had nothing but time and no shortage of horrors. “Well, they’re… Fused. To the metal. And each other. It’s… horrifying. And further back in the rear quarters… I found the rest of them. I only found four of them, which is either an indicator that my mom is part of the horrifying fusion near the split, or that she’s somewhere else. I’m going to go with the latter. But everyone else… They’re dead.

“I can’t do this. I don’t see my mom anywhere, and I don’t know if she’s dead back here or dead somewhere else, or by some miracle is alive and I can’t find her? I can’t do this. I can’t do this.”

Adrien choked out a sob and curled himself into a ball. He stared at his communicator when it started to beep again, signaling a new message.

> _Check the flight deck. Your mom might be there._

Adrien nodded weakly at his wrist. “Yeah, okay. Just… Give me a second to pull myself together.”

> _Take your time. It’s not going anywhere._

“Yeah, you’re right. Okay. Okay. I’m gonna need some time to poke through the other half of the wreckage, but okay.” Adrien shut off his communicator and stood on shaking legs. It took a couple of minutes to reach the flight deck, but as soon as he did and rummaged through the debris a little bit, his mood lifted.

“This is great!” He said into his wrist. “I found the Varia’s distress beacon, and guess what? It’s still intact! Also, one of the defense turrets is still operational! So y’know, if any of those disco aliens decides to make an appearance, I’ll have something more than a bad pun to defend myself with.”

> _That’s great!_

“Yeah, it is. Sadly, I won’t be able to use any of it because there’s no power. The reactor’s in the back half of the ship and by my count, there are approximately zero extension cords on the Varia that are long enough to reach from there to here. So even if it was still in working order, it would be no help to me at all.” Adrien sighed. “I’m going to look around for a bit to see if I can find a generator up here or something.”

As Adrien went through the rubble, he stumbled upon a body. He opened up his communicator.

“Okay, so you know how I found most of the crew in the back half of the Varia?” Ha asked, shaking. “Well, I haven’t really found anyone else, but… I just found my mom.”

> _Is she okay?_

“I- I don’t know. There’s… There’s so much blood, and I-” Adrien could feel himself starting to panic as he tried to describe his mother’s condition. “There’s this… huge piece of metal through her side. I don’t know where it came from or what it is, but it sure is there.” His breathing quickened as he started to hyperventilate. “W-what should I do?”

His communicator beeped with his lifeline’s reply.

> _Leave it in._

Adrien nodded blindly. “Okay. That makes sense. That’s what you’re supposed to do when there’s a giant piece of metal in your mom’s torso, right? So the blood stays in.” He kept his hands away from the metal piece. He was scared to touch it. “The wound isn’t actively bleeding right now. But her breath is really shallow and… I don’t know what it sounds like but it sounds wrong. I think… I think it pierced her lung.”

> _Look for a First Aid Kit._

“Good plan. I’ll see if there’s one of those laying about. What am I talking about? I’m on a billion dollar spaceship. Of course, there’s going to be a First Aid Kit somewhere. Give me a second to find it.”

* * *

 

Nino was about to be sick. Marinette wasn’t faring much better. After some quick research, they had decided that Adrien had been telling them the truth.

“Okay, but why are we the ones helping him?” Marinette had asked. “We should call someone!”

“Who are we going to call, Mari?”

“I don’t know. The ESA? Madame Mendeleiev? Someone who’s actually equipped with the correct knowledge on how to keep this poor bastard alive? Anyone but us!”

“Hey, what’s wrong with us?” Nino pouted in mock offense.

“You know I don’t mean it like that,” Marinette sighed and sat back on Nino’s bed. “But come on. I’m a Business major, and you’re majoring in Film! We’re literally the two people least qualified to help out someone who’s stranded on a moon in the far reaches of the universe!” Marinette threw up her hands and collapsed onto Nino’s dark blue comforter.

“We took that Physics class with Madame Mendeleiev,” Nino offered. Marinette glared at him.

“We took it for one semester our Freshman year for a science credit. And we both almost failed it.”

“But we didn’t. And from the looks of it, Adrien doesn’t really know what he’s doing either. We’re three of a kind, aren’t we? Besides, think about what would happen if we called someone. Think it through in your head instead of panicking and jumping to conclusions like you always do.”

“Okay, fine. So we call the ESA.”

“We call the ESA. A receptionist picks up the phone. Let’s say her name is Beatrice because that sounds like a good secretary’s name. What do you tell her?”

“I say, ‘Hi, Beatrice. My name is Marinette Dupain-Cheng, and…’”

“And?”

Marinette paused. “There’s no way that I can say this that doesn’t make me sound crazy or like I’m lying.”

“Exactly.”

“But even if Beatrice doesn’t believe us and hangs up, wouldn’t she tell someone about it? And then that someone would tell someone who would check to see if Adrien and his crew are okay?”

“Maybe? But do you really want to test that theory? Even if Beatrice tells someone, there’s a good chance that the right ears won’t hear about it until it’s too late. Come on, Marinette. We can do this.”

The beeping of Nino’s computer distracted them from making a real decision. They turned back to the screen and watched Adrien’s latest messages unfurl.

He had apparently gone searching for a First Aid Kit in the rear half of the ship and stumbled upon the fused bodies of his comrades again. The second time seeing it hadn’t been any better.

> _This is awful. They’re just… Lying there. I feel like I should have some sort of memorial service for them, you know?_

Nino and Marinette looked at each other.

“Should he really be doing that? I mean, his mom’s still bleeding,” Marinette pointed out.

Nino nodded and typed their response.

> _Yeah, you’re right. My mom’s still alive and I’ve got to keep her that way._

There was a pause between messages, and then:

> _Bad news. I couldn’t find a First Aid Kit. I checked where it was supposed to be, but it was gone. I guess someone must’ve taken it? And then just didn’t put it back._  
>  _Good news, though. There were two stasis pods on board._  
>  _One of them is… out of order. To put it delicately. But the other one is still intact! And it’s working!_  
>  _Want to know how I know?_  
>  _Because I also found a portable generator!_  
>  _Which not only generates the power but also generates my current good mood!_

“Did he just make a fucking pun.” Marinette deadpanned. “I can’t deal with this.”

“Come on. Be nice. His mom’s life is on the line.”

“Oh shit, you’re right. Nevermind.”

> _It’s kind of small, but it’ll power the stasis pod for a good couple of days._  
>  _I mean, it might not even do anything for her condition. But it’ll keep her wounds in check, and keep her lung from getting any worse._  
>  _I just realized that this is going to be a pain in the ass to carry, and it’d be easier to just carry Mom over here. She’s certainly lighter than a stasis pod and a generator. What do you think?_

“Oh no. Don’t he dare try to pull that bullshit of his mom being easier to carry,” Nino grumbled. “I’ve seen way too many disaster movies to know that you never try to move the body, just like you never try to remove the knife from a stab wound. Because then you just die faster!”

“Then tell him that!”

“I’m gonna!”

> _Shit, you’re right. She’d just bleed out faster if I tried to carry her, wouldn’t she?_

“Yes,” Nino muttered.

> _You know, I think I can…_  
>  _No, no, no…_  
>  _Yes! Hover mode!_  
>  _This is going to suck some extra power from the generator, but I’m not one to look a gift hover-horse in the gift hover-mouth._  
>  _That’s how it goes, right?_  
>  _Okay, I’m headed back to my mom. I’ll message you when she’s… safer._

The messages stopped there, and Nino huffed out a sigh of relief. “Thank god he’s not going to be stupid about this.”

“What did you literally tell me thirty seconds ago? ‘Oh Marinette, be nice! His mom is dying!’” Marinette mocked.

“That sounds nothing like me.”

“That’s besides the point, dummy. This is a real person, with real life-or-death problems, and we’re sitting here, barely taking it seriously! I mean, what kind of people are we?”

“I know, I know.” Nino sighed and rolled back and forth in his desk chair. “It’s just… This doesn’t feel real, you know? All this,” he gestured at his computer screen, “this was just a hobby to goof around with radios and maybe listen in on some broadcasts from another continent or whatever. Not to chit-chat with astronauts who could literally die at any moment!” Nino stood and threw himself onto his bed next to Marinette. “It doesn’t feel like this is really happening. It feels like a game or something. You know what I mean?”

“Yeah,” Marinette sighed. “I get it. Random space boy calling us on the radio? Sounds kind of ridiculous. Like, this is just one of those choose-your-own-adventure games that you can buy for like, five euros at the app store.”

“That’s weirdly specific but okay.” Nino adjusted himself so that he was laying on his back with his arms tucked behind his head. “Dude, I’m starving.”

“Me too. Wanna go to the Dining Hall real quick and get some food?”

“What if Adrien messages us? We’ve got to be there to take it and help him.”

“Okay.” Marinette sat up and slid off the bed. “Then I’ll go, and I’ll smuggle something back for you. Can I take your Tupperware?”

“Yeah, sure. It’s in the bottom drawer of my desk. Text me what’s there, okay?”

“I will,” Marinette said as she zipped Nino’s Tupperware into her backpack.

“Can you get some coffee too?”

“Smoked Butterscotch, right?”

“You know me too well.”

“Unfortunately,” Marinette joked and let herself out of the room.

Nino stayed on his bed, thinking. Marinette was right about this whole thing playing out like a choose-your-own-adventure app. Of course, this was real life, but that didn’t make it any less weird or unbelievable. She was also right about the two of them being extremely unqualified to aid an ESA astronaut. But Adrien had said that he was pretty unqualified himself and that the only reason he was on the Varia in the first place was because his mom was the Captain. So that sort of made more sense.

Ten minutes had passed before Marinette texted him with meal options from the Dining Hall. Nino thought for a moment and asked her to get him some two grilled cheese, french fries, and a banana. Marinette replied with the thumbs up emoji and asked if Adrien had updated them yet. Nino looked over at his computer screen, and replied ‘no.’

A while later, Marinette texted him to let him know that she had coffee, food, and was headed back up to his room. Nino typed out a quick, ‘okay,’ before getting up to unlock the door. He propped it open with one of his textbooks and sat back at his desk. Almost as soon as Marinette sauntered into Nino’s dorm room, Adrien had sent them a message.

> _She’s in! And the pod says that she’s stabilized!_  
>  _The blood loss isn’t good, but she’s not at critical levels yet. And this will definitely keep her lung from getting any worse._  
>  _Thank god… I’m not alone on this stupid rock._  
>  _This feels like a miracle._

“I think he should take a quick rest,” Nino said as Marinette handed him his coffee. “The poor dude’s been through so much.”

“Are you sure? He could still be in danger. Plus, there’s no power on the ship, which means no heat. Not to mention that he doesn’t have any food.”

“Shit, you’re right.” Nino sighed. “I hate it when you’re right. But he’s been through so much already. Poor guy must be exhausted.”

“I know,” Marinette said, “but he’s got to make sure that he won’t die while he’s asleep.”

“You know, I really hate it when you get logical on me.”

“I am the left brain, I am the left brain. I work really hard ’til my inevitable death brain,” Marinette sang.

“Why are you like this?”

“Because someone has to balance you out, you weirdo. Now tell the space boy our verdict.”

“Fine,” Nino muttered and typed a quick message.

> _Yeah, you’re right. Just because she’s stable doesn’t mean that she’s better._  
>  _Plus, I still have to figure out how to get us rescued and get her some real medical attention._  
>  _For some reason, they never covered First Aid in Physics class._  
>  _In the meantime… I should probably go see_ to _the rest of the crew, right?_  
>  _They’re just… Lying there._  
>  _I’m going to bring my mom to the other half of the ship. I’ll message you when I’m there._

“You’re evil, you know. Forcing that poor boy to keep going when his legs are probably going to give out at any moment.”

“Nino, I know you feel for him, but you can’t let emotions and crap get in the way of a literal life-and-death situation. You’ve seen like, a million disaster and horror movies. Tell me, what happens when those characters stop and take a breather right when they think they’re safe?”

Nino mumbled out a response.

“Sorry, I couldn’t hear that.”

“They die,” Nino said, a little louder this time. “They die because they’re dumb and they can’t hear it when I yell at them and throw popcorn at the screen.” He groaned into his Smoked Butterscotch Latte. “I really, really, hate it when you’re right.”

“I know. Now come here, I’ve still got your grilled cheeses.”

* * *

To say that pushing a stasis pod and a generator from one part of the Varia to the other was hard would be an understatement. However, it was even harder to push the stasis pod and generator when there was a full-grown woman inside the stasis pod, whose condition could easily worsen if the stasis pod was damaged in any way. But somehow he managed.

“So,” Adrien said into his communicator, “after a depressing trudge across a barren wasteland, we arrive once more at a crewless crew quarters.” He sighed. “My life has become bad middle-school poetry.”

He hoped that whoever was on the other end of his messages appreciated that joke.

“So I guess my options over here are either grave-digging or ship-exploring. What do you think?”

> _Explore the ship. Who knows? You might find that First Aid Kit you were looking for earlier._

“Good point. Okay, so… Past the bunks, there’s a corridor that branches off in either direction. The way to the galley looks… Well, I guess in meat terms it looks medium well. The other option is the lab.”

Adrien hesitated, then continued. “I don’t think I want to go to the lab. I’m afraid of what I’ll find if I check on my rats. If the people on board didn’t make it, what chance do those little guys have?”

> _Makes sense. Try the galley. There might be some food there._

“You know, you say ‘might,’ a lot for someone who’s literally being trusted with another person’s life.”

> _Speak for yourself. Neither of us has ever been on a spaceship._

“Neither of u- oh there are two of you aren’t there?”

> _Yeah. And we’re doing our best to help you out. Mari said that galleys are supposed to have food, right? So try the galley._

“Yeah, you’re right. Give me a second.”

Adrien trudged through the burnt hallway to his left until he came to the galley door. He tried the handle, but unfortunately, it wouldn’t budge.

“Wow. This door is… Super stuck. Fortunately, I am not above bashing it with scrap metal, because I honestly don’t think we’re getting our deposit back on this ship. Not that we paid one in the first place, but you get the idea. I’m going to keep at this for a bit, because like you said, this is probably my best bet at finding some rations. Only if I can get… through… this… damn… door!”

Adrien kept on with the door for a couple more minutes before dropping back from exhaustion. He leaned against the back wall and opened his communicator.

“Okay, I don’t want to say that this is impossible because let’s face it, that’s not really a word that applies to my situation anymore, but let’s just say that getting into the galley is highly improbable. Highly, highly, improbable. Super highly improbable.” Adrien groaned and glared at the galley door in contempt.

“It’s also starting to get pretty late. I don’t know about you guys, but the sun- sorry, Tau Ceti, is getting pretty low on the horizon. I need to start thinking about getting ready to hunker down.” He sighed. “Should I just forget it for now? I mean, I’m probably going to give in before this door does.”

> _Yeah, but you’re more determined than the door. Keep going, buddy. We believe in you._

“Aw, you called me buddy.” Adrien stood up and rolled his neck. “I should probably be worried at the fact that you’re pitting me against a literal steel door, but I’m going to trust you against my better judgment. I’ll take another swing.”

Ten minutes later, Adrien had emerged victorious in his struggle against the galley door, and he had emerged only somewhat unscathed.

“I totally pulled my shoulder out of its socket! And it was totally worth it!” He shouted into his communicator. “Because while I am in so much pain right now, but I am also eating chili macaroni and drinking a water bottle.”

If Adrien had been any less hungry, he would have been kissing the chili mac instead of eating it, but because he was so tired and hungry, he just began to scarf it down.

“This chili mac is kinda gross, but this is also the best thing I’ve ever eaten. Too bad it’ll be gone soon… And I’ll have to deal with the shoulder that I rammed against a dead hydraulic door to get to it… But you know what? That’s a problem for future Adrien.”

Adrien ate the last of the chili mac and downed the rest of the water bottle. He took a moment to rest and actually breathe for the first time in several painful hours and then turned back to his lifeline. Lifelines.

“So… Now that food is handled and I know I won’t starve in the next couple of days, I can go check on the lab. I’m still hesitant about going there, especially since night is falling pretty damn fast.”

> Fin _d somewhere to sleep. You definitely deserve it._

“Thank god. I thought maybe you were gonna make me pop my other shoulder out of place.” Adrien laughed a bit and then groaned when his shoulder made it difficult to move. “Okay, so the stasis pod is still working alright, and it’s doing a good job of keeping my mom alive. Better than I would do, anyway. But as long as the generator is powering the pod, there’s no way for me to use either the distress beacon or the turret.

“I’m not worried about the turret because let’s be real. There’s probably nothing else on this rock other than me and my mom. But without the beacon, how will anyone know that I’m alive? Or waiting to be rescued? But I can’t just unplug my mom, right?”

> _Definitely not. Keep her pod running. You can worry about the distress beacon later._

Adrien sighed in relief. Good to know that he wasn’t the only one worried about his mom. “Okay, good plan. I’ll figure that whole mess out in the morning.”

Adrien looked out the cracked galley windows at the moon’s surface. “Tau Ceti is down now, and I’ll be honest. It’s darker out there than a Juleka’s journal, and colder than Chloé’s shoulder. Those are some of my friends, by the way. Thought you should know.”

> _They sound like interesting people._

“Yeah, that’s one word for it. Anyway, I can sleep here in the wreckage with a roof over my head, but I’d be exposed to the elements and more importantly, the cold. Or I can grab some blankets or something and go camp out by the reactor engine, which as far as I can tell, I nice and warm.”

> _I can sense a ‘but’_ coming _from somewhere._

“Yeah, you caught me. There’s a pretty big problem with sleeping by the engine, and that problem’s name is radiation. And I’m not sure if it’ll be enough to kill me in my sleep or whatever.” Adrien thought for a moment. “Hey, can you do some googling for me? My IEVA suit is telling me that the engine is giving off about 150 rads right now. Will that be enough to kill me overnight?”

There were a few minutes of radio silence before Adrien spoke again.

“Hey, are you guys there? Because it’s getting seriously cold out here and I need a verdict now.”

> _Sorry, we had to do some intense googling. You should definitely camp out by the reactor engine. The radiation won’t kill you overnight, and it’ll definitely be better than cuddling by the stasis pod and hoping for the best._

“You’re probably right about that. I mean, you’ve got the google machines that I conveniently do not have, and you’ve gotten me through literally the worst day of my life. So if you say that it’s safe, then I’m going to trust you. So, you know. Goodnight guys. I’ll talk to you in the morning.”

* * *

 Nino and Marinette were silent.

“Did we do the right thing?” Marinette eventually asked. “He’ll be okay, right?”

“Definitely. You read that website, right? 150 rads are about 1/5 of the amount of radiation it would take to actually kill someone. He’ll be fine.”

“Yeah, you’re right. I’m just… I’m insanely worried.”

“Yeah, me too.”

“Hey Nino, can I crash here for the night?”

“Sure, no problem. Rodney’s out for the weekend with his boyfriend, and I’m sure he wouldn’t mind if you slept in his bed for the night.”

“Thanks, Nino. Let me grab my PJs and whatever from my room, and I’ll be right back down.” Marinette stood up and brushed the crumbs off her dress. She slung her backpack over her shoulders and left the room. As she walked out, she tossed her empty Starbucks cup into Nino’s trashcan.

As soon as she was gone, Nino let out a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding. He knew that Marinette was no stranger to stress and burdens, but he was worried about how she was taking this. When they were kids, Marinette would sleep over at his house whenever she was scared or upset and needed a friend. She still did it sometimes, but usually, that was only during Finals when her stress levels were so bad that he needed to force her to close her books, put down the energy drinks, and go to sleep.

Nino knew that if he told Marinette that he was worried about her, she would tease him and call him a Mother Hen or something, but he really was worried about her. And he was worried about Adrien, who was probably a Solar System and a half away. Long story short, Nino was worried about everyone, and there was virtually nothing he could do about it except try to guide his best friend and his new Astronaut buddy in the right direction.

A pillow being thrown at his face snapped him out of his head. He turned to see Marinette standing in the doorway. She was in her usual Hello Kitty PJs, and she had a mischievous grin on her face. “Sorry about that,” she said in a voice that was decidedly not sorry at all, “you had your thinking face on. It’s just too easy to sneak up on you when you’ve got your thinking face on.”

Nino scoffed and rolled his eyes. “As if you’re any better.”

Marinette gasped in mock offense. “How dare you! And after I got you coffee and grilled cheese!” She threw an arm over her forehead and then flopped herself down on Rodney’s bed. “Bluh, Rodney’s bed smell like teenage boy.”

“So does mine, but you have no issue with it.”

“Yeah, but yours smells like teenage Nino, and that’s different. There’s more vanilla and honey and coffee whatever, and less… Geez, is this Axe?” Marinette held up Rodney’s top sheet and sniffed it. “Oh, gross.”

“You can always sleep on the floor, you know,” Nino reminded her.

“Fine, whatever. I’ll sleep in this gross, Axe-smelling Rodney bed,” Marinette grumbled, and settled herself into Nino’s roommate’s bed. “Let me know if Adrien says something, okay?”

“I promise, you’ll be the first to know. After Adrien and me, if I’m the one telling you about it.”

“Pfft, you’re a nerd,” Marinette laughed and turned so that she was facing the wall. Nino shook her head. While Marinette claimed that she could only sleep on her side, he knew that come morning, she’d be sprawled on her back with all the blankets kicked off the bed. She had a gross habit of pushing and kicking things in her sleep, which was one of the reasons that they never bothered to share a bed anymore.

Nino listened for the sound of Marinette’s breath evening out before he slipped out of his bed and sat back down in his desk chair. If Adrien did need something, he wanted to be there to provide help, even if that meant staying up all night dicking around on social media. Tonight was going to be a long night.


	2. Day Two, Part One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Good morning Krusty Krew! Up and at 'em, time for another day of trying not to die!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've not touched a written word in a year I'm so sorry y'all

Nino got probably the least subtle wakeup call in existence the next morning. He didn’t know _where_ Marinette had gotten ice cubes, but there they were. Sliding down his shirt. Nino shrieked and whirled around to find his best friend, a.k.a. the girl he so _generously_ let sleep over last night because they were both super worried about their mutual space friend, laughing at him. Well, she wasn’t really laughing at him, but he could tell that she really, really wanted to.

Her eyes were sparkling with mischief and she was doing this thing where she covered her mouth to keep herself from actually laughing, but since she was one of those people who smiled with their whole face, he could see her grinning. But as soon as he turned around to face her, even the covered hand couldn’t stop her.

“Nino, oh my god,” she gasped, clutching her sides. “Your face!”

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll bet I looked real funny what with _ice_ down my back and whatnot.”

Marinette shook her head and handed him her Hello Kitty compact mirror. Nino opened it and stared at his reflection, now seeing that Marinette had been laughing at the keyboard indents on the side of his face. Nino gave Marinette a hard stare, only for her to start cracking up again.

“Okay, laugh it up,” Nino sighed and returned Marinette’s compact. “Other than obvious reasons — those being, ‘why the hell not,’ — why the hell did you pour ice cubes down my back?”

“Because of the other obvious reason, dumbass,” Marinette said without a hint of malice, and nodded towards Nino’s computer screen. Adrien’s chat box was open and flashing. They’d gotten a new message.

Nino stared at Marinette. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Because you were drooling on the keyboard.” Marinette rolled her eyes. “Now answer him! I’ve been dying to reply but your stupid head is too heavy, and boy were you out of it.”

Nino glared at her again, and then turned back to his computer screen.

> _Hey! Check it out! I’m not dead!_
> 
> __
> 
> __
> 
> _I don’t even have an ear growing out of my forehead, or any other weird toxic radiation mutations! Which, thank god for that. I don’t know how I could handle a third ear._

Marinette's arms snaked over Nino’s in an instant and suddenly she was typing.

> It probably won’t be so bad. Captain Kirk has three ears, you know.

“Marinette, I’m going to kill you,” Nino muttered. 

“Oh, hush,” she replied.  

> _Really? I didn’t know that. Clearly I haven’t been watching enough Star Trek. Or Star Trek at all. Funny, I thought Captain Kirk was a human. Guess I was wrong._

“Don’t do it,” Nino warned.

“You can’t stop me.”

> Sorry to say that you were. He’s got three ears. The left, the right,

“Marinette.”

> and the final front ear.
> 
>  

> _The final front- OH! HAHA. THAT WAS REALLY FUNNY. I’M SO GLAD I COULD START THIS MORNING WITH GREEN SPIT AND BAMBOOZLEMENT BY BAD PUNS._
> 
> _(It actually was really funny. I don’t know if you know this, but I needed a laugh.)_
> 
>  

> Glad I could help ;)
> 
> Please ignore that weird emoticon and please go back to the green spit because that sounds actually terrifying. What the hell.

Nino had stolen back the keyboard from Marinette, who was leaning against Nino’s chair’s armrest (and basically taking up all the room), and was looking very pleased with herself. 

> _Oh. Yeah I guess I could ignore that awesome wink face emoji ;)_
> 
> _And maybe I’m doing a little bit of oversharing here, but I woke up with a HORRIBLE taste in my mouth. I rinsed, spit it out… and it had a weird green tint to it._
> 
> _Probably something to do with trace elements in this place’s atmosphere, but that’s still pretty strange._

Nino and Marinette shared a look. “Radiation sickness?” He asked. Marinette shrugged, so Nino posed the question. 

> _Oh god, you think? I think that’s worse than having a third ear. But I don’t feel bad at all. No headaches or nausea._
> 
> _In fact — apart from waking up still stranded on a deserted moon — I woke up feeling pretty great._
> 
> _It’s just… green spit is a little weird, huh?_
> 
> _I sure hope it’s not radiation poisoning. It’d be tough finding a matching marrow donor around here._
> 
> _Anyway, at least I’ave got rations to get the taste out of my mouth._
> 
> _I’m thinking a little maple sausage — closest thing to breakfast in these pouches._

The chat box stopped flashing, leaving Marinette and Nino with mixed emotions. Mixed because on one hand, Marinette was still overtly smug about how she woke up Nino this morning and then transmitted one of the lamest jokes in science fiction history literally millions of miles away to the one person in the universe whose only option was to just sit there and take. On the other hand, Nino was intensely worried about his new friend who may or may not have radiation poisoning due to breathing in a non-Earth atmosphere.

“Damn, now I’m craving maple sausage.” Marinette was pouting. “Alas, the breakfast here is shit and you don’t have a clean shirt on.”

“You know, I would have a clean shirt on if it weren’t for a certain somebody, _Marinette_.”

Marinette didn’t even have the decency to look ashamed of herself. She just laughed and punched him playfully in the shoulder. Nino mock whined and rubbed his shoulder as if he were in pain (which he wasn’t). Good thing Marinette knew how to pull her punches, otherwise Nino might have been out an arm. “Whatever, nerd,” she said. “At least you don’t smell gross anymore.”

She got him there.

The box didn’t start flashing again until both Marinette and Nino had started on their homework. They jumped from their seats as soon as the screen caught their attention.

> _I have to say, rationed maple sausages scavenged from a downed space ship are… not good._
> 
> _Like, it’s food. It’s sustenance. I need to survive._
> 
> _But it’s gross as hell, and it’s probably the only thing that’s going to keep me together for today’s trek into the Great Unknown._
> 
> _The generator’s still working, the stasis pod is still running…_
> 
> _I just wish I could say the same thing about my mom. But the machine says that she’s stable, and I’m gonna do the smart thing and trust it, because I don’t know a thing about medicine._

“You and me both, buddy,” Nino muttered.

> _Anyway, with Mom stowed safely away, I think I can step away for a few hours. That should be plenty of time to go check out that weird peak to the north and then make it back to the Varia before nightfall._
> 
> _Just one more pass over the ship, make sure everything’s locked…_
> 
> _Gonna pack some water and rations…_
> 
> _And I’m heading out. I’ll keep you posted along the way._

* * *

 Gross as hell was an understatement when it came to describing the maple sausages Adrien ate for breakfast that morning. He knew that rations generally tasted better because he had eaten some of them back before the Varia had crashed. But now, it was like the rations _knew_ about his dire circumstances and were actively trying to make things worse. What should have tasted like mediocre maple sausages tasted more to him like rubber tires that had been left on the side of a highway for a week before being picked up. How even. 

The good news was that now that Adrien had forced it all down, they were gone and he didn’t need to worry about eating them ever again. The bad news was that Adrien knew that the food was only going to get worse from here. If he ever got back to Earth, he was going to go to the nearest bakery and buy a truckload of pastries.

Adrien closed his communicator and grimaced. He didn’t want to go on this walk. But staying in the crumpled shell of the Varia with his maybe-dying mother seemed like a worse idea, so as soon as Adrien packed two bottles of water and three ration packs, he was gone.

After maybe fifteen-to-twenty minutes alone with his thoughts, Adrien opened his communicator again. “I’m back to where my escape pod came down,” he said to whoever was listening. “It looks like it rolled over during the night. Maybe the wind caught the parachute and dragged it?” He shuddered. “damn, must’ve been some pretty high winds. I think it moved like three meters or something. Oh well, glad I wasn’t in it.”

> _Same here_

Was the reply Adrien got. He would be lying if he said that those words didn’t make him feel any better than the almighty heap of crap he already felt like. He closed his communicator and continued on until he reached an unexpected block in the path. Fantastic.

“Shit,” he swore and opened his communicator again. “So as it turns out, the way I wanted to go down the canyon has been blocked off by a giant boulder. I don’t know how or who did it — it could be Mothman for all I care — but it’s completely untrekable. I was trying to get into the canyon through this shallow part, but I can’t do that now.”

Adrien calculated his options in his head. “I could look for some quick way across, or I could just back out of the canyon altogether and try a different path.”

The response was immediate.

> _Back out of the canyon. Don’t risk it if you don’t have to._

“That sounds pretty correct. The whole boulder thing looks horrifying. Why take unnecessary risks, am I right?” Adrien laughed to himself and ran a worried hand through his hair. “There’s a gentle slop up the canyon wall like a hundred or so meters back, and while I’d hate to retrace my steps, I guess I have to. I don’t want to break something and then have to kick my mom out of the only working stasis pod.”

Now there was a horrifying thought. 

“Not that I’d kick my mom out of the stasis pod,” he added. “If it came down to it, I’d just lay on the floor and hope for the best while my mom stays in the pod, because let’s just face it. Between a broken leg and a literal near-death experience which is still near-death, Mom wins.”

Adrien really wanted to stop rambling to this poor stranger about his various Sob Stories of the Present Era, but he couldn’t help himself. The last time he spoke to a human person, it was Kim shoving him into the escape pod and yelling at him to stop struggling, to be careful and to stay safe, and then he was gone. Or, more accurately, Adrien was gone. Ejected from the Varia before its crash. He was desperate for a good conversation that didn’t include space, broken ships, or broken bones. 

> _Honestly same_

“Right? And like, my mom is so important. She’s the captain of one of the biggest space missions the ESA has issued in… forever, I guess. She’s way more important than I am.” Adrien said the last sentence as more of a side note to himself than for his lifeline to hear.

> _Don’t say that. You’re just as important as she is_

“Thanks for saying that. That’s kind of you, really. It’s just, if it comes down to it, I think the ESA cares more about my mom than they do about me. She’s the only still-living official crew member of the Varia. I’m just a kid who wanted to hang out with his mom. Heck, all I did for the ESA was some mild experiments on some rats.”

> _You’re important to us. And believe me when I say that we care about you a lot._

Adrien paused and stared at his communicator. “We? Wait, I don’t actually know who you are.”

> _You’re never gonna believe this, but amidst all the chaos of the previous day, we totally forgot that we never introduced ourselves._
> 
> _So I’m Nino_
> 
> _And I’m Marinette_

“Oh. Hi Nino, hi Marinette. Nice to formally meet you.” Adrien continued on. He was almost to the top of the slope.

> _Nice to meet you too_
> 
> _Nino likes to eat garbage_

Adrien clapped a hand over his mouth to muffle the sudden laughter spilling out. “I’m sorry, what?”

> _Please ignore that, Marinette is being a tit._
> 
> _adrien tell marinette to stop histting me her fist sare iron and her rage in sinsorumoutnsal_

“I don’t know, Nino. I’m kind of on Marinette’s team because it sounds like she’ll beat me up with her iron fists and her insurmountable rage.”

> _Thank you you can be my second in command when I finally take over the world in a caffeine and stress-induced rage_

“That sounds like a dream come true,” Adrien said. “Promise you’re not going to beat me up, though.”

> _I’m not going to beat you up unless you do something dumb and terrible_
> 
> _That’s a very low bar by the way my girl Mari has like, a zero tolerance policy on bullshit. Last month she got into like three different fist fights and seventeen screaming matches_
> 
> _To be fair, college is hard and business is a stressful major. Also almost all of those incidents weren’t my fault. I’m not responsible for the fuckboys who run their mouth faster than their heads._
> 
> _Marinette sent one guy to the hospital with a three broken ribs and a fractured clavicle. The only reason she didn’t get caught was because the guy was too embarrassed to tell the EMT that he got his ass handed to him by a five-foot-nothing Chinese girl wearing kitten heels and a polka-dotted pastel pink skirt._
> 
> _I’ve still got blood on those shoes it’s awesome_

“I have to admit, that sounds both awesome and terrifying. I’m terrified.”

> _Good :)_

* * *

“You brought this on yourself and I have no sympathy for you,” Nino said as Marinette screamed into one of his pillows. Her phone was laying screen-up next to her, cheerfully displaying a picture of the Varia crew. There were six people total. In the center was a gorgeous blonde woman who could only be Captain Agreste. The caption below said as much. In the photo, she was standing next to a tall, blonde man who the caption labelled ‘Adrien Agreste.’ Marinette had gone digging for more information about their space friend, and now she was regretting it.

“He’s hoooot…” She grumbled. “This isn’t fair. He used to be a model, Nino. I knew he was a model. I had a crush on him when I was thirteen! He was literally my celebrity teen crush! And he’s in space, and we’re the only two people talking to him, and he’s relying on us, and if thirteen-year-old me could see this right now, she would literally strangle me out of jealousy.”

“Thirteen-year-old you is violent for an adolescent.”

“Shut your mouth hole, Lahiffe. I’m in agony.”

“Uh huh. Oh, speak of the devil.” Nino’s computer screen was flashing, indicating incoming messages. Marinette screeched like some sort of wounded animal and bounded over to practically perch on Nino’s shoulder.

> _So… I’m having one of those dilemmas that only people stranded in the far reaches of space can have. And probably people in the desert too maybe._
> 
> _I’m standing at the lip of a huge create. I mean HUGE._
> 
> _As in, like, if I weren’t terrified of dying alone in deep space at any given second, I’d take a moment to be really, really awed._

A strangled noise came from the depths of Marinette’s throat.  

> _Problem is, this grand canyon (see what I did there?) is in the middle of where I’m headed._
> 
> _So it’s either a hike around the perimeter, making a big semicircle in one direction or the other…_ _or I try my luck easing down the side and then cut straight across._

Nino’s fingers moved across the keyboard.

> _You haven’t had much luck with your luck so far._

“Nino!” Marinette glared at him.

“What? It’s not like it’s inaccurate.

> _You’re right about that. Then again, there’s something to be said for the shortest distance between two points._
> 
> _But usually they don’t include giant craters._
> 
> _What do you guys think?_

“He’s an idiot if he thinks going into the crater is a good idea,” Nino muttered.

“Well, I mean, _yeah_ ,” Marinette rolled her eyes. “But you don’t have to be mean about it.”

“You literally told him that I eat garbage and that you’re happy about having blood on your kitten heels.”

Marinette dragged her hands down her face. “Don’t fucking remind me.” She sighed. “Tell him perimeter please before I die.”

“As you wish, M’lady.” Nino typed his reply.

> _Alright. You know, this is probably the safest option. All flat surfaces up here. Nothing steep to maybe kill me._
> 
> _Flat… dull… plain… planes… Wheeee._

Both Marinette and Nino snorted out a laugh at that.

“What a baby,” Marinette grinned.

Nino stared Marinette in the eyes as he let Adrien know that Marinette just called him a baby. Marinette screamed and did her best to rip Nino’s hands off the keyboard. Alas, Nino hit the ‘send’ key before she could. 

> _Haha, laugh it up. But you’d be bored too if you were me. There’s nothing to look at but a weird mountain._
> 
> _Look, the most exciting decision I’m going to make in the next couple of hours is whether I should go left or right around the crater._
> 
> _And since I don’t have a coin on me (because why the hell would I?)_
> 
> _I’m leaving this one up to you._
> 
> _Be careful, this could literally be the most important decision you make all day._
> 
> _I’m kidding. It won’t be._
> 
> _Or will it?_
> 
> _Nah, it won’t._

Nino and Marinette looked at each other. “Rock paper scissors? I win he goes left, you win he goes right?” Nino asked, holding up a fist.

“Nino, a man’s life is on the line and you want to play child games to decide his fate. I’m ashamed to be your best friend.”

“So that’s a no?”

“Of course it’s not a no.”

The shook their fists three times. Marinette threw a scissors. Nino threw a paper. Marinette pumped her fist in celebration and let out a quick, “hell yeah.”

> Go right.
> 
>  

> _Wow, right, huh? Bold choice._
> 
> _As I take off marching to my right, in a big stupid circle on an unknown moon in a poorly trafficked quadrant…_
> 
> _… know that your strong, clear decision-making skills have made all the difference!_
> 
> _Left sucks! Right is the best! People who go left are suckers and I refuse to identify with them!_
> 
> _Oh no, I think I used up all my enthusiasm on roasting the entirety of the left direction. Dammit._
> 
> _I’ll message you guys when I get to about the halfway point._
> 
> _If anything happens, I’ll let you know._
> 
> _Promise._

The window stopped flashing, and Nino leaned back in his chair. “Well, that went okay I guess. You know, usually hot guys don’t have a good sense of humor. It’s nice to see that Adrien does. Hey…” He spun in his office chair to face Marinette. “Don’t you have a thing for funny guys?”

Marinette’s face went red. “I will eviscerate you, Lahiffe. I will paint my kitten heels with your blood. You want your blood mixed with Chad from accounting class? Huh? Do you?”

It took all of Nino’s strength of will to keep a straight face. 

“Kinky.”

Yeah Nino and Marinette were best friends, but teasing Marinette was just so fun and easy. He reminded himself of that when Rodney’s pillow smacked him in the face.

**Author's Note:**

> Come talk to me at my tumblr @docxie


End file.
